


and i hate that you're with him and i hate when you smile (and i hate that for once you don't seem like you've cried)

by ryneisaterriblefan



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Crying, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Minor Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Non-Linear Narrative, Sadness, Toxic Relationship, Unhealthy Relationships, and kagehina happened later, ft oikawa, gossiping, kageyama and kunimi broke up after their third year, like a tiinyyy bit of fluff, pls tell me if i need more tags ty, slightly abusive relationships, to be warned tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-07-09 09:02:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19885051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryneisaterriblefan/pseuds/ryneisaterriblefan
Summary: and i hate that you've kissed himand i hate that i'm sorebut most of all i hate that you're happier than before





	and i hate that you're with him and i hate when you smile (and i hate that for once you don't seem like you've cried)

**Author's Note:**

> so!! this was decided on a whim and like. i know i can add more scenes but like. i think this is enough and maybe it doesn't convey enough emotion but like i wanted to get this out and done cause i've been thinking about it for a time now lmao i hope you enjoy
> 
> also!! there might be hiints of abusive relationships so um pls beware of that (nth big tho just like. mean words.)

_‘Tobio.’_

_‘Hm?’_

_‘I’m sorry I made you cry.’_

_‘It’s okay,’ Tobio says, wiping his eyes and peeking up at Akira through his wet lashes, ‘It’s my fault for being so emotional.’_

_Akira frowns, but just continues to hold him._

It’s after the match—they won, Akira thinks numbly—and Oikawa’s talking about having a celebratory dinner. Akira excuses himself to go to the bathroom, and Yuutarou gives him a worried look.

He waves it away.

Akira traipses into the bathroom, but—

There’s Tobio, sitting. There’s Hinata. Standing and wrapping his small arms around Tobio’s head. Tobio is shaking.

Akira backs away so as not to attract attention to himself.

‘It hurts,’ Tobio’s shaky voice says.

‘I know,’ Hinata replies, voice soft, ‘I know, Tobio. It hurts for me too.’

A few minutes pass, and—

‘Ow, dumbass, stop gripping me so hard!’

A cheeky voice. ‘You like being held, though.’

There’s a grumble, and there’s no denial.

Akira’s dinner tastes sour and his victory tastes hollow.

_‘Tobio, are you coming?’_

_‘No, I need practice.’_

_‘Okay.’_

_Akira pretends not to see Tobio flinch when he mutters ‘King’ on his way out._

‘King,’ Tsukishima calls across the court, and both Akira and Kindaichi flinch. Tobio’s going to be angry—

‘Hm, yeah?’ Tobio replies, and jogs over to where the blond talks to him about something

Akira thinks he wants to scream.

_‘Move faster!’_

_‘Shut UP, king!’_

_Tobio flinches back, rubbing his eyes and Akira passes it off as something getting caught in his eyes._

_Later, he hugs Tobio and stays everything will be fine._

_His touch doesn’t linger._

‘He’s going to get angry if you can’t spike his tosses,’ Yuutaou taunts Hinata, and Akira doesn’t really think it’s needed to taunt him, but it’s the truth.

‘Hinata.’

Akira doesn’t hide a smile when he sees the shorter grimace.

‘My bad, that toss was too high.’

Akira’s heart pounds in his chest and Yuutarou turns to look at him with wide, panicked eyes.

_They get together, in a sense, when they’re second years._

_It’s not so much as getting together as it is hanging out more, but Akira counts victories, however small, by the upturn of Tobio’s lips and the way his eyes sparkle as if everything is wonderful._

_‘I love you,’ slips out of his mouth when they’re at a sleepover at Tobio’s house._

_Akira doesn’t expect Tobio to say it back, but he does, Tobio does love him and it’s so so tempting to just reach across and kiss him._

_And so he does._

_Tobio stiffens up, but kisses back, soft, unsure, in the way that shy teenagers do when they’re inexperienced and young._

‘Bakageyama!’

‘Hinata boke!’

‘Shut up!’

‘What do you want?’

The spiker stops in front of Kageyama, grinning, full of energy and life, and Akira forces himself not to hurt when Tobio doesn’t conceal a small smile.

(It doesn’t work.)

‘A good luck kiss!’ Hinata says cheerily, and the Tobio Akira knew would’ve blushed, or denied it, but he doesn’t, he simply leans down and pecks Hinata on the lips like it’s nothing.

Akira snaps his gaze away from them when he notices Yuutarou staring.

_Both Akira and Tobio have trouble expressing their feelings._

_Akira doesn’t think it’s a problem. He thinks they have their own way of communicating, he thinks Tobio understands his small touches and short words._

_He doesn’t._

_Tobio’s oblivious to almost everything except volleyball, and one night Akira gets frustrated._

_‘This is why you’re hated!’ he yells, after Tobio glared at Yuutarou for a slow spike. ‘This is why you’re called King and this is why everyone hates you! Just—get the fuck out of here!’_

_Tobio stares at him, as does everyone else, but Akira doesn’t see them, he doesn’t hear them and all he can feel around him is black, terrifying hate and he thinks he wants to slap Tobio but then there’s Yuutarou, who’s dragging him away, out of sight and calms him down just enough so that he can go home clear-headed_

_The next day, Tobio holds his hand, the previous day ignored, and Akira doesn’t notice how his eyes are still red._

‘Kageyama! Nice serve!’ Hinata yells out after Tobio gets a service ace.

‘Boke!’ Tobio yells back, but there’s a hint of affection in his voice, and he isn’t as bothered as Akira thought he would be.

When they take a timeout, Akira hears Hinata complimenting Tobio’s serves and sets—‘They’re so amazing! They go _whoosh_ and _pwam_ and—‘ and Akira watches on as Tobio blushes and laughs.

_When they grow into their third year, Tobio becomes worse._

_He becomes obsessed with volleyball, and everytime Akira asks to hang out, he’s rejected in afvour of more practice._

_And almost everytime he gets rejected, Akira spits out harsh words, words that leave Tobio reeling and blinking away furious tears._

_He does confront Tobio about it sometimes—but he always shrugs and tells Akira it’s his own fault for getting too affected._

_‘No worries,’ Tobio says, with as much of as smile as he can muster up._

_Akira frowns and holds his hand loosely._

Akira hears, from Oikawa and Iwaizumi, how Tobio and Hinata sync together so well, and how Tobio seems to have his trust in Hinata.

Oikawa says that Tobio even laughed after he won—‘disgusting’, as he said it—and Akira doesn’t really compute that fact until he’s curled up and suddenly he feels like he can’t breathe.

_Tobio is affected by whispers. He doesn’t seem like it, but he does, and Akira watches as Tobio shrinks away from the world every time he’s called king or king of the court._

_It’s sad to watch, but Akira knows, it’s for his own good. Hopefully he will change into a better person, hopefully he’ll change and lead them to victory, victory that even their senpai couldn’t achieve._

_~~Tobio doesn’t, though, and Akira doesn’t know what’s louder—the sound of the volleyball hitting the floor or the sound of Tobio’s heart breaking.~~_

Akira watches them.

They’ve grown older, but they still act like children, and Tobio still brings pangs of hurt to Akira’s chest whenever he’s particularly affectionate with Hinata.

They’ve made up, and though Tobio doesn’t know how Akira feels, and won’t ever know, Akira still feels bitter. He knows it’s for the best, and he knows he should be happy for Tobio, but—

Akira hates it.

_~~(And he hates himself for hating it.)~~_

**Author's Note:**

> title from i hate that you're happy by tiny little houses
> 
> come visit me at ryneisaterriblefan on tumblr


End file.
